The sexiness isn’t with the shit-drenching, this fan art proves

It appears that a huge part of the fascination with the new Lara Croft is based on the fact that she’s all muddied and bloodied, or “shit-drenched,” as we endearingly call it.

Now with less fecal matter on her face, courtesy of this fan art by PH-based artist Paolo Ramirez (click on the image the view the full thing), we’re pretty sure that underneath all the filth, it really is the Hilary Swank face that has gamers world-wide captivated.

[An Art Everyday by Paolo Ramirez]

A resolution calling for mandatory adherence to character fundamentals of Lara Croft across brand representations

Wherefore, be it resolved that all iterations of Lara Croft in form of toys, action figures, live action models, and in any IP-licensed forms of media be shit-drenched, smelly and battered as she appears in the newly rebooted Tomb Raider game.

Although, in all seriousness, this is an actual directive of Crystal Dynamics following the total rebrand of the franchise; we’re just trying to be funny. Game Informer details.

This is how you know Lara Croft is in good hands, in Wada-san’s

Story inspired by very true events. And as for the profit forecasts, SE will just have to adjust it. Square Enix games don’t adjust to investor’s economic expectations, they adjust to Lara. The game needs more time in the oven, then so be it. (Four years after announcement and still in development is overkill though. We’re looking at you, FF series.)

Now this is an East-West collaboration we can get behind. Visual Works, the CGI team behind Final Fantasy: Advent Children, are the folks responsible for wrinkling old man Roth and shit-drenching Lara as you see them here. What else?

Hi, Keeley, Crystal Dynamics has news for you

And no, kidding they aren’t. Or perhaps to put it more intelligibly, let Game Informer’s Meagan Marie break it down for you: Crystal Dynamics is indeed “taking their time to cast the perfect new voice for Lara.”

[Image credit]

Short shorts be damned, behold Lara’s new, sexier get-up

Wait, what? Sexier? Indeed. Getting shit-drenched makes Lara look sexier.

No, we’re kidding. But she is sexier, not because of the fecal body lotion she looks to be wearing, but precisely because she isn’t trying to be sexy. It’s effortless. She looks so recognizably human, so tangibly real, that the sexiness just oozes out like perspiration coming out of her pores thereby upping the muddy-explorer thing she’s on about.

Actually, no, getting all dirtied up wasn’t on Lara, it was a decision made by about a dozen guys back at Redwood HQ — a difficult one at that. Let Meagan Marie of GI tell you the story of how that went.

Then maybe come back here to embiggen our lazy attempt of pointing out the obvious on Lara’s new get-up. Up to you.

What kind of series needs rebooting twice over? Apparently one whose starrer can’t be given up on just because of “brand fatigue” (that’s a different point of discussion altogether). Lara Croft’s too precious to lose, you see, so much so that she’s had three different lives to live.

Here we lay out five key differences of the three histories of Lara, the three canon continuities we all had a chance to play and know of first hand. To detail, the First Continuity consists of the series of Core Design games, the Second spans Anniversary, Legend and Underworld, and Third starts with the new-era Tomb Raider brand, the one that stars the newly shit-drenched Lara Croft.

Or, as a note to the chaps at Visual Works and Redwood HQ, “Why consistency across key artworks is important.”

A friendly reminder to the world, to the fans, and to Crystal D

Amy Hennig, creative director of Uncharted 2: Among Thieves and former Crystal Dynamics employee, on Uncharted and Tomb Raider comparisons in a 2009 interview with G4TV. [Image courtesy of seashell093]